


two steps away

by moonstar_xii



Category: Mamamoo
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Best Friends, F/F, More characters to be added, One-Sided Attraction, might be slow burn but i don't really know
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:34:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23871685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonstar_xii/pseuds/moonstar_xii
Summary: inspired by moonbyul’s 200416 ig live: “if the person I’m in love with loves me back too, then I won’t have too much worries.”one piece of advice: never fall for your best friend, ever./hiatus/
Relationships: Kim Yongsun | Solar/Moon Byulyi | Moonbyul
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	1. if i hide it, you wouldn't know

**Author's Note:**

> a gift to those in twitter who cannot move on from byul's 200416 live like why is she so angsty

Do you ever just wake up and your immediate thought was “I gotta bother my best friend”? That’s pretty normal.

At least, that’s Moon Byulyi’s guess. For her, bothering her one and only best friend is a normal scene. The moment Byulyi gathered her thoughts, her hand immediately went to grab her phone placed on her bedside table. It was a Saturday morning; a day she will spend in front of a desk and some of her notes and try to make sense of them. But for Byulyi, starting her day by annoying Kim Yongsun is a must.

“Ya, Moon Byulyi, I’m trying to sleep for once. Don’t you get tired of talking?”

Or, do you ever wake up, immediately thinking of bothering your best friend, and then blushing at the way your best friend’s voice sound at the morning?

Byulyi cleared her throat, pushing her thoughts away to the back of her mind.

“Let’s go out?”

Do you ever just think about how pretty your best friend is without even trying? Like a random thought. How effortlessly beautiful she is? Well, that is normal too. Byulyi thinks so. Byulyi thinks it must be. Like this morning when Yongsun came down from her apartment and she’s just wearing a pink oversized hoodie and leggings and her hair was only in a messy bun and she’s not wearing any makeup but she’s “Oh my god, beautiful.”

Do you ever just randomly wonder what would’ve happened if you asked your best friend on a date?

“What did you say?” Yongsun snapped Byulyi out of her idea, and Byulyi averted her gaze away from Yongsun’s _immaculate_ face. She shrugged. Okay, what a weird thought.

She held out her hand, “Shall we go, princess?”

A smile.

Do you ever think just how precious your friend’s smile is? How sweet it is, how genuine, how it warms your insides?

Thinking of it, Byulyi will do anything and everything just for Yongsun to never lose that smile. Yongsun grabbed Byulyi’s hand, but only to snake her hand around her friend’s waist.

“Is this a date? Where do you plan to take me?”

Okay, friendly dates are there, but what about a _real_ date?

Do you ever just think of what could happen if you inched forward and, let’s say, kiss your best friend? Is that normal?

Byulyi has no idea anymore. She struggles to fight her thoughts, just like any other day. And just like what she does every time, Byulyi does not, in any possible way, think of them too much. She’s a third-year student, a young adult, with a lot of other things to worry about other than wanting a different love from your best friend.

It’s a useless worry, she keeps repeating to herself, a useless thought. It’s nothing to worry about, if you don’t think about it.

Continue lying.

“Nowhere, actually. I want McDonald’s, game?”

Have you ever? Like, for real, liked your best friend? Because Byulyi is starting to think she _really_ likes her best friend, _way_ beyond what is supposed to be.

Sometimes Byulyi imagines the two of them walking hand in hand, not saying that they’ve never done that, but the way Seulgi holds Seungwan’s hand, with gentle, and love, and a contented smile, and like everything you have ever wished for is finally just right beside you.

There they are, walking to the nearest McDonald’s this autumn morning, Byulyi’s arm clung around Yongsun’s wrist, and they’re talking about everything and anything. But no, it’s just not how Byulyi imagines it in her mind.

“What do you have in mind?” Yongsun leaned on her a little, and she shifted. _Have you ever liked someone?_

“Some lecture I’ll have to face later, nothing important,” Byulyi stopped on her tracks, deciding against asking Yongsun “Do you want coffee?”

“Sure.”

Do you ever just think of the little things about your friend, like how the sound of her laugh melts your heart?

There are hundreds of questions per second running on Moon Byulyi’s mind every time she’s with Yongsun, but alas, she just keeps on pushing everything away. She has every moment with Yongsun engraved in her mind, but Byulyi is just about to realize that yet.

Or maybe that’s just adoration for your friend.

Yep, pure adoration, it is. Byulyi does not want Yongsun more than just a friend.

It doesn’t explain the wanting to kiss her part, however, or even the way Byulyi’s insides do somersaults even just by thinking of her friend.

She’s in love with Kim Yongsun.

“GOD DAMN IT, SON SEUNGWAN.”

They were all having a simple get together, with drinks as usual, that same day Byulyi’s thoughts got the best of her and she almost asked Yongsun a question she would’ve regretted. Byulyi called for a drink, and through a game of Never Have I Ever, voiced out her question of ‘Have you ever liked your friend?’. Not a good idea.

“Oh, why, thank you, Byul unnie,” Byulyi closed her eyes at the reply she got from her friend and let her head fall in between of her knees. She just can’t take what she just heard from Seungwan, and add Hyejin’s snickers beside her. She can’t believe Seungwan just exposed her in front of her whole friend group and shouted on her face that she is, in fact, in love with her best friend – of course, Yongsun wasn’t there.

“You didn’t help me, just so you know,” She managed to say after a few seconds of feeling awkward under her friends’ gazes.

“Well, you shouldn’t be asking us whether we’ve been in love with our friend, no?” Wheein pointed out, downing her drink. Byulyi just sighed, her mind clouded with the realization that she _really_ likes her friend.

“Well, it ain’t that bad, is it?” Seulgi said like it’s not really a problem. “Byul unnie is sweet, you know. Sometimes? I genuinely think she’s a good person.”

“What do you mean sometimes?” Byulyi panned at Seulgi, sitting across from her.

“Seulgi unnie, liking your friend is literally the worst,” Hyejin chimed in, earning an exasperated sigh from Byulyi and a few ‘what the fuck’ gazes from the others. “In my case, okay, calm down guys.”

Byulyi _never_ thought about her feelings before, and now that she’s starting to realize them, everything just feels like a joke. How can she not know she likes her friend?

“It’s okay, Byul unnie. Liking your friend is not always tragic; Hyejin’s just unlucky with hers,” Seungwan commented, which didn’t help Byulyi’s insides settle. Something inside of her screams it’s going to be a trouble. But what does a 22-year-old who never had a lover know? This is something new to her, or not, given that she has just acknowledged her feelings now.

“I’m not with you, Seungwan unnie. But fine, I’m keeping my mouth shut for now. Just know that I’m always here for you, Byul unnie,” Hyejin tapped her shoulder to show support. Byulyi nodded, she just doesn’t know what to feel now. It’s somehow, weird?

It’s weird talking about her feelings; that is never something Byulyi chose to do before.

“Let’s talk about it. When did you realize?” Wheein bobbed her brows repeatedly. “Or maybe when did it start?”

_Exactly when did it start?_

When they entered college? Byulyi remembers it, how worried she was, thinking Yongsun and she would be separated and they’re going to have to be apart from each other. She wanted to study music since then, even when she took a science track in high school. But Yongsun wanted to be a doctor, a pediatrician, or something. Yongsun said she’d take up biochemistry, and the only way they’d be together was to enter the biggest university in Seoul that has departments for both fields. Byulyi thought she had no hope, she’d fail the CSAT, but she really wanted to be with together with Yongsun. And then they passed. Byulyi remembered how Yongsun was crying because “I got accepted at my dream school!” But Byulyi was just happy because they were going through college together.

Byulyi downed a shot.

Was it high school? She remembers Yongsun had a boyfriend in second year; someone named Jongmin or something. She had been mad at her best friend when she learned, stating Yongsun should’ve told her sooner. It took them a few days to reconcile, maybe a week? He wasn’t the best, in Byulyi’s opinion. He was tall, but that’s all he has, height. He was this jock in high school that went to date the cute intelligent girl next class who always tops the batch. They broke up three months after they started to officially date, there was a third party. Yongsun claimed that “It was just a puppy love, anyways, gotta study for our chemistry test tomorrow!” Byulyi never mentioned to anyone, but she was relieved they broke up.

Byulyi sighed.

“I don’t know, am I supposed to know that?”

Maybe middle school? Not exactly middle school, but before middle school started. Byulyi transferred to this neighborhood where Yongsun’s family also lived in. It was hectic, since the school year hasn’t ended yet and it was December when they moved in. Her mother got mad at Byulyi for lying in the middle of the living room when there were a lot of boxes around, so she let her daughters go out to explore. When Byulyi went to the park with her younger sister, she saw Yongsun in a thick navy jacket with her hair tied up into two space buns with ribbons, playing very lively with an older girl in the slide. She was very loud, you see, and Byulyi doesn’t know what went up to her mind but she smiled to the other girl when their eyes met

Has she liked her best friend from the start?

“Wow, you’ve liked unnie for so long you can’t even remember,” Byulyi stared at Wheein, who seemed so innocent while voicing out her opinion. “What?”

If you’re thinking: ‘Wow, maybe Byulyi and Yongsun can make it work together,’ you aren’t alone.

“Maybe ask her out? You never know,” Seulgi said, almost like a whisper. “I’m close to believing she likes you too, honestly.”

“Just how long have you started thinking I like her?”

“Everybody knows, unnie. Friends don’t do the things you do.”

Byulyi still didn’t know, but the words uttered by Seulgi would repeat in her mind all the time, especially when her best friend is near.

“Cheer up, unnie. You look good together.”

But she really doesn’t know what to feel with Seungwan’s words. What she knows is that if she hides it, Yongsun will never know. All she has to do is to hide.


	2. it's not okay (well, kinda)

To say Byulyi doesn’t think of her feelings is a lie.

It’s a constant worry, a recurring thought, following her anywhere her mind went, like her thoughts just casually drift from thinking about the upcoming recital she still has to complete a composition for to thinking about her best friend and how she’d be facing Yongsun now that she constantly thinks of her feelings for the other.

It’s not okay.

Although the fact that she’s composing while a little drunk makes her thoughts a little uncontrollable, yes. Apparently getting drunk while the semester is nearing its end can’t stop Byulyi from studying, as well as her friends. After an hour, her friends decided to leave her apartment so they can all study the next day. It isn’t the case for Byulyi.

Byulyi found herself flipping her pen on her left hand, her laptop and paper forgotten, while scrolling on her contact list.

“Hello?” A raspy voice greeted Byulyi. Now, imagine those cartoon characters that have stars in their eyes and their smiles are so wide you think they’re going to rip off their face and their whole surrounding just immediately lights up – that’s how Byulyi looked.

“Ddunieee!” Byulyi dropped her pen, closed her laptop and abandoned everything she was supposed to be doing, heading straight to her comfortable bed with only her phone and a friend on the other end of the line.

“It’s almost 3, why are you awake?”

“I missed you.”

“Yeah?”

“Ddunieee.”

“Are you drunk?”

“No.”

“Then why did you call?”

“Saying hi to you. I missed you, that’s why.”

“At 3 am?”

“At 3 am,” Byulyi said, voice a little low, hugging her pillow tighter. She imagined hugging Yongsun at that moment, their hands intertwined, her head above Yongsun’s, their warmth…

“You’re drunk,” Yongsun said, matter-of-factly, but Byulyi didn’t reply. She let the silence answer her best friend. Sure, Byulyi rarely ever got drunk, maybe once or twice? And a few glasses when she’s not even tired shouldn’t affect her that much, but Byulyi was intent on acting like she is drunk.

Now, what would happen if drunken Byulyi told her best friend she loves her?

“Ddunie, I love youuu,” Byulyi dragged the last syllable, her voice low and airy, but Yongsun might’ve thought it was nothing, because Byulyi heard a small chuckle and a soft ‘I love you too.’

She wanted to tell Yongsun, that _no, that’s not what I meant._ But nevermind, Byulyi thinks. It’s better not to ask.

It’s not okay.

The moment she woke up, she felt her whole body ache.

The curtains were open wide and the sun’s heat was starting to warm her whole bedroom. She found herself curled up, still on her jeans and hoodie from yesterday, her phone lying beside her. A sudden realization hit her, ‘fuck.’

A few notifications from twitter and instagram were there when she opened her phone, but a message from Yongsun was the one that caught her attention. There, it stated: ‘Love you’ with a few other puking emojis. Byulyi won’t admit, but it made her day complete despite it being only 10 in the morning.

Byulyi shrugged, she has a week worth of notes to study and an upcoming recital she still has to finish composing for. She should’ve paid more attention to her lessons. Groaning, she made it to her desk to start her work early, but her doorbell disrupted her from doing so. She turned, confused, was she expecting some delivery?

“Aigoo, you smell,” Byulyi made a face at Yongsun. Now this wasn’t planned, usually Yongsun just opens her apartment without notice, as she always did when she visits Yong’s. But today Yongsun waited on her front with her casual outfit: a brown coat over a grayish-blue top tucked messily under black jeans. Her hair wasn’t tied, and she wore little makeup. Byulyi bit the insides of her cheeks; she could feel herself getting red from just thinking about how beautiful Yongsun is. She stepped aside to let her friend in, hiding the smile that was forming in her face.

“I didn’t tell you to come here! Don’t act like I should’ve peppered myself perfume for you.”

“Aww, is that it? Then I should just go-”

“Yeah, go leave,” Byulyi sat on her small gray loveseat and watched closely as her friend struggled to remove her black converse. She suddenly evaluated herself, still wearing the same clothes she had yesterday. Yongsun followed her, bringing an eco bag and a plastic bag on both hands. “What do you have in there?”

“Oh, this bag? Someone called me in the middle of the night drunk, figured out she might want some help cooking today so I came,” Yongsun flashed a grin, setting down her eco bag. “So, do you want some soup or will I eat it by myself?”

“I can cook.”

“You can?” Byulyi didn’t reply, following Yongsun to her kitchen. She loves these small moments with Yongsun, just them bickering about anything and everything, although it made their friendship a little bit irritating to others.

“You’re not going to stay here?” Byulyi held out two bowls to Yongsun, and Yongsun put her hand over Byulyi’s for quite a while, staring straight in the eyes while humming.

“No.”

Byulyi pretended it didn’t affect her.

It did. It’s not okay.

“Then why do you have such a huge eco bag there?”

“I’m going to study. Ah, that reminds me. Let’s go to the library today? SNU, I need some books.”

So that’s how Byulyi found herself strolling around Seoul National University, her campus, about an hour and a half later, on a Sunday afternoon with Yongsun. There were quite a few people around, professors and students who live in the university’s dormitories.

Now, okay, to say that Byulyi didn’t like it was another lie.

Walking hand in hand with the person you like and worrying about nothing? Byulyi stared deeply at Yongsun.

She likes it, and it’s not okay.

She pushed the thought away. Yesterday when both of them went out, these thoughts of hers didn’t follow her everywhere. But even if she did thought of kissing Yongsun, she survived the day pretending. She can do this; all she has to do is to not be obvious.

“Let’s visit Joohyun unnie afterwards, hm?” Byulyi suggested just as she opened the door to the library for Yongsun. Joohyun is this fourth year student who studies business and lives in SNU’s dorms, a year older than Byulyi, but the same age as Yongsun (because Yongsun entered school a year late for some personal reasons). She has this intimidating personality but is a really good senior and friend; therefore Byulyi never dropped her honorifics around Joohyun. They met when they were in high school, when both Byulyi and Yongsun tried out for the school’s broadcasting club for extra credits, and the three of them, with Yoon Bomi, have been friends since.

“I don’t think she’s free today. Remember, Joohyun’s graduating,” Yongsun muttered while examining her notepad to remember which books she needed to look for. Byulyi pouted, leading the both of them deep inside the library to look for an empty area.

“I miss Bomi too, shouldn’t she be free for today?”

“Maybe? Let’s call her later or something.”

“Yong, here,” Byulyi gently tugged at Yongsun’s coat before sliding her arm on her friend’s waist. She never called Yongsun unnie; Yongsun told her not to since they’re both in the same grade level, but still Yongsun acted like one.

“You’re all busy and I’m so bored,” Byulyi whispered, setting down her own eco bag.

“You have a recital to compose for, don’t you? You’re quite busy yourself,” Yongsun muttered, not bothering to sit on their table. She took out her laptop from her bag and got her notepad again. “Be back in a minute.”

Byulyi nodded and slouched on her chair. She followed Yongsun with her eyes, as if she was enchanted, until her best friend turned on some shelf and she disappeared in behind hundreds of books.

“What am I even doing?” Byulyi sat up straight as soon as Yongsun was out of sight.

“Moon Byulyi, come to your senses, woah.”

By the time Yongsun came back, Byulyi was struggling with her notes. She can compose later; the recital is not in two weeks. For the mean time, Byulyi decided fighting with her theory notes is better in the library. But for some reasons, she’s fighting herself in her head.

“The librarian is so handsome,” Yongsun whispered on her ear before staying still, and Byulyi froze, not because she’d seen the librarian before. But Yongsun was pretty much almost kissing her earlobe. Byulyi knows Yongsun didn’t mean to do it, but _gods_.

“Ah, Y-yongsun…” Byulyi managed to whisper, although she wasn’t sure her friend heard. She felt her ears heat up, but Yongsun wasn’t moving an inch, peering through what Byulyi has been writing.

Byulyi didn’t like it.

Oh, this is trouble. She shouldn’t like it.

It’s not okay.

“What are you doing?” Byulyi looked up to see Joohyun looking at them, smiling, and then she felt Yongsun moving away, greeting their friend with a tight hug. She dabbed her handkerchief on her forehead, before meeting her friend’s eyes.

She put up a smile, and Joohyun smiled a reassuring one – as if to tell Byulyi everything’s fine and she got her back.

Byulyi doesn’t believe it.

She likes her best friend. Everything’s not okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a few notes haha i am NOT a music student nor i am in college, but i'm doing my best to research so please forgive me if i'm wrong.
> 
> my idea of yong here is before yia era yong haha she used to dress like a college student before! so cute
> 
> another thing is that we're still in the first part so there will be some intros here and there (like the one above with joohyun) and flashbacks as we discover more about how moonsun's friendship developed.

**Author's Note:**

> a test publish (what am i saying really) because i can't get this out of my head and it's so angsty you know? anyways if this doesn't go well then i'll still be updating it most probably because fuck quarantine but keep in mind i'm still figuring things out (half of this is already planned dw) i need feedbacks tho


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